Thank you for reading Tamara! I have observed both personally and professionally that how we feel physically has a huge influence upon our very being that is largely downplayed or taken for granted. Our physical state very much affects our emotional state, how we show up in relationships and how we interact with the outside world. In my opinion, this is both highly under acknowledged and over pathologized. There is often an assumption that when someone looks “normal” that they also physically feel “normal”. If there is an illness or condition, it then becomes invisible to others, and the person suffering is labeled as difficult, lazy, depressed, preoccupied, antisocial, lacking in priorities, or a hypochondriac that needs to get over him or herself. On the flip side, being the loved one of a person who has a chronic condition is also very difficult as there can be an incredible sense of loss of their loved one’s former spunk, zest, energy and vitality. I fully appreciate the complexity of this as I have lived it and love working with folks who are encountering this in their lives. Thank you again Tamara!

Thank you for talking specifically about living with chronic illness as a psychotherapist.

This is something that far too many personal and professional caregivers try to hide and struggle with in silence.

Should you ever want to guest post on my blog about the intersection of chronic illness and the practice of psychotherapy, I would welcome it!

Keep up the good work!

Hi Tamara! Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think that anytime people don’t have a quick answer, it is very uncomfortable. People’s innate tendency is to create meaning and make sense of things. When we have mixed feelings, it is difficult to know how to feel or what to do. However, when we pause, keep breathing and sit with the discomfort and uncertainty, often clarity arises and a necessary or even exciting direction emerges.

Thank you Tamara! I learned from the best!

It’s one of my favorite things to talk about and work within therapy!

It seems like every situation, including relationship work, is touched by ambivalence and I so appreciate you addressing it in this context!

It’s curious to me that we so often choose to close our eyes to these feelings . . . but it seems that’s the instinct for all of us . . . to shut down or run the other way.

I wonder if you have any thoughts about why that might be the case?

Thank you for your thoughtful comment Justin! I agree wholeheartedly that searching for something definite contributes to couples getting stuck in intimate relationships. There is always a more deeply seated emotion behind ambivalence that is usually very uncomfortable or unpleasant to look at. I can imagine this is probably why people experiencing ambivalence tend to set up camp on the fence so they can avoid going deeper!