Good things that can destroy your relationship- part one

Stan Tatkin, a well-known author, lecturer and couple therapist says the number one thing that breaks relationships up is “mismanagement of thirds” (see thirds).What are thirds?

Thirds consist of any entity outside of the intimate relationship of two people. Some of the more obvious thirds include: Read more

Four reasons why you should begin couples counseling with an initial intensive session

Most couples at the very least have experienced a degree of distress before contacting a couple’s counselor. Some couples may be desperate for things to change. Some may feel like counseling is their last possible hope to salvage the relationship.

As an hour of couple’s counseling goes very quickly, an initial hour long session may feel like a mere scratching of the surface. There may not be sufficient time to really process what is happening in the relationship before it is time to leave the session and go back out into the real world. Read more

Three ways to find safety in an uncertain world

2016 was to say the very least an “intense” year.

We proved to be a country that remains strongly divided. Several emotionally difficult events happened internationally and domestically. We lost too many beloved cultural icons to count. Read more

Three surefire ways to successfully navigate the holidaze with your partner

For many, December can be the most stressful month of the year. Many people are out and about shopping, preparing for house guests or to travel.

The roads are more congested. People tend to get viruses and other yucky bugs. Lines are longer from the grocery store to the movie theater. It is a ruckus!

Here are three surefire ways to successfully navigate the holidaze with your partner.

Read more

Four ways to cope when chronic illness enters the relationship- part two

Young girl sitting in front of her boyfriend in a wheelchair in the park.While I do feel lucky that the thyroid condition I have is chronic and not life threatening, everyday life can be challenging because I often do not feel 100% with this illness.

This said, to preserve as good of a quality of life as possible, I do lots of things to take care of myself which include:

Read more

Four ways to cope when chronic illness enters the relationship- part one

Woman Sitting On Bed And Feeling Unwell

Twelve percent of people and one in eight women in the United States suffers from hypothyroidism or from some other form of thyroid condition or illness. In this country, an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s is the number one cause of hypothyroidism.

It is estimated that five to eight percent of the United States population has one or more autoimmune conditions, most of whom are women (http://autoimmune.pathology.jhmi.edu/faqs.cfm). Read more

Why a “just the facts” mentality will not work in arguments with your partner- part two

arguments with your partner

The last post outlined logistical arguments with your partner. These types of arguments tend to be the least severe in nature. However, logistical arguments can lead to more significant and potentially damaging interactions between couples.

Historical Historical arguments between couples “appear” to be on the topic at hand. However, there is much more to these interactions than what is presently being discussed because they are always based upon the past. Read more

Why a “just the facts” mentality will not work in arguments with your partner- part one

Arguments with your partner

There is an old adage that asks, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy”?
Like many couples I have encountered, I have been guilty of engaging in many competitive conversations with my husband through the years. Those conversations have had a distinct culture around who is right and who is wrong about whatever topic of the day was relevant at the time. Read more

Six reasons why marriage counseling fails (or at least appears to fail- part two)

Six reasons why marriage counseling fails

Six reasons why marriage counseling fails

Some couples use counseling as their last stop before deciding to separate or seek a divorce attorney. And counseling is a good stop to make because it can make a huge difference in helping couples to repair their relationships even when things seem to be broken.

Read more

Six reasons why marriage counseling fails (or at least appears to fail- part one)

Professor grading paper with Epic Fail written in a composition book isolated on whiteWhy marriage counseling fails? Not many years ago, I was under the assumption that a good marriage counselor had the power to completely change the course of my relationship.

I was also under the assumption (as some are) that everything would turn around quickly (in one or two sessions) and my partner and I would be all better- never to have serious problems again. But I mostly stood corrected. While couples counseling can certainly help, sustaining a relationship is very complex. And what happens outside of session is the most important part.

Read more